Reality

Sometimes life has a way just letting you know how real it is sometimes. My friend (that I haven't seen in 3 years) was shot in killed in Iraq on June 21st. I used to date his brother and he was like a big brother to me when I was little. We got the call last Thursday and the Funeral was today. I went to both the Viewing last night and the funeral and the burrial today. I've never had anyone that young and close to me die. I didn't know it was going to effect me like it was. To see someone that used to do back hand springs down the church hallways laying there, just not moving, lifeless. It's even more weird that it's Alex. He was invincable. He wasn't a saint but he loved everyone so much. Even people he didn't know he would go out of his way for. He was in my youth group when I was 12 until I was 18. He's the one that taught me how to worship. He's prayed with me, and for me, and let me learn from his mistakes. His family has drifted away from church and his brother is actually an atheist now. How does someone that has experienced God on such a level just turn their back on him and not even believe that he exists? I just wanted to ask him where he thought his brother was, and what he thought he was doing or if he thought he was just there. Steve an old youth pastor of ours used to say that he thought that you just laid there and pushed up daisies. I wonder what Adam really thinks. What was awesome about his funeral was that no one has bad memories of Alex to share. Everyone has the same memories that me and my friends do of him. Him dancing (and not well might I add, but not caring either), singing horrible 70's songs like he was stuck in a time warp, and him always helping someone. He was our hero, our Superman. At the funeral they played a lot of his favorite songs, The Dance, Save me, Time of your life, and they all explain Alex. They also played Held by Natalie Grant, and Home Sick by Mercy Me. They all make since, God never said it would be perfect, he said he would hold us. And I've always understood when older people died. It's supposed to be that way but not Alex. He was 23. Tell me how that makes any sense at all. I can't help but think that he's watching all of us, planning what we'll all do once we get to heaven. And I'm sure God's done told him to calm down and go to his side of heaven that he had too much energy and he was making him tired. It's the only real hope that I have, and the only thing helping through. Steve used to say "first one the Jesus wins!", so Alex I guess you won Buddy. I love you, and I miss you. ~Amber Sheree

Faith

Learning to exercise my faith is going to kill me I do believe. First of all being part choleric like I am it's really hard to give something to God and let him keep it. I just feel like taking it back sometimes. And secondly placing faith in people, namely boys, is really hard also. Since my ex is the evil person that he is. Barry and I were talking the other night and I came to a realazation. First of all, I feel like God has placed Barry in my life for a reason. So I have no fear with going forward at all. I feel completely safe with the situtaion. However Barry doesn't think that we should be serious. Which can be viewed two ways. 1) I see it as he doesn't want to commit to me, and after I went through everything with Matthew I just see it as he wants to see other people. But also it could be seen as 2) he knows that we're not really ready for that since we live so far away and he doesn't want either of us to get hurt. Which I respect since most guys don't mind hurting whoever they're with aslong as it doesn't hurt them. I appreciate that he watches out for me. But I also think that there's a third part to be considered. God has placed Barry in my life for one of two reasons, and maybe it's both. I know that he's here to teach me to trust again. That not all guys are out to hurt me. And to show me what truely caring about someone is really about. That it's possible to care about someone and a guy not have a hidden motive. I know that he respects me and I love that. I do really care about him. And I know that he cares about me. Maybe he is the one and God just doesn't want it to move too fast, and that's all that Barry really keeps saying. That he doesn't want things to move too fast and someone get hurt. It's funny how after I argue with him then I see his point. Never when we're actaully discussing it. I guess that's my choleric coming out, and he's Phelgmatic and just doesn't like confrontation. I hate how God always has something for me to learn in every situation. And that I tend to be wrong about most situations when I won't budge. I guess God has a way of teaching humility to even the strongest willed. I'm going to youth camp. It's going to be awesome to spend a week in God's Presents. Even though I'm going to have to some back to work a good bit of the time during the day. I'm at work and I guess I need to go and pretend to do something that they pay me to be here for. Talk to you later. Byah

Wow it's been almost a month since I posted!!

Okay so really the reason I'm posting is because Tabbie is getting on to me, and I know that she needs something to read at work! Anyways it's been a couple of crazy weeks. Recital was a week ago today, and yes it has taken me this long to recover. Actually I spained my ankle Saturday after the show and then I got sick on Wednesday and I've not had a voice until today. It really bites to not be able to talk when that's what you do the best.

I was telling Barry last night how cool it is that God reveals stuff to me in perfect timing. I was thinking the week before recital how weird it was that my ex wasn't going to be there. Because for the last four years all he had heard me talk about was dance. And then it hit me that even if he and I were together he wouldn't have been there. He was never there. Because he didn't love me. All this time I was worried about never falling in love again and so scared that I woudn't be a mom and a wife. And then I realized that he never loved me anyways. But God has promised to prosper me and not to harm me, plans of hope and a future. And he's also promised that he's given me the desires that are in my heart, and that he totally plans on fulfilling them. I had invited people to my recital that really mean a lot to me; Matt "Boo" & Carrie (my youth pastors), Aunt Marcia and Uncle Timmy (who are my spiritual Parents), and my God parents Susanne and Carl Carrier, and all of them came to support me. I think most of them knew that it was more of a God thing for me than just a recital. I have placed the whole last year in God's lap and told him to do with it what he will. And I think that he's using it, to not only stretch my faith, but allowing me to minister to children through it. I also think that God has shown in the last few months what love really is. I know that all the people that were there at recital with me really love me. Tabbie, Audrey, DJ, and Scotty are all of my friends that pulled together to help pull this recital off. Tabbie and Audrey really stepped up with I needed them the most and helped me pull through as not only the director of the show but also a performer. I'm learning with Barry what true friendship and love is really about. It's about caring more about the other person than yourself, which after Matt is something that I didn't think I could ever do again. I'm learning to trust him, and his decisions, and work things out without getting up set. I'm learning to see things through God's eyes and learning that his plan is better than my own (even though I choleric and that's really hard for me!).

Recital could not have been more perfect, not even if the girls didn't miss a beat, and some of them did, but I know that they gave it there all and I'm so proud of them for it. I love them all so much and this week has been so hard not seeing them.

Let's see........what else is going on? Audrey is having a girl (yea! dance class here we come). Her name is going to be Ava Grace, and I will probably call her by both names, just because I want to instill her southern roots in here. I'm so excited, only three more months. I'm going to youth Camp, as a counsler, that's a little weird. I used to hate people like me, lol. I'm not going on the cruise I was planning because mom is freaking out about the chick that is missing in Aruba. And I know that I have to honor her decision and I'm not talking bad but can we just step back and think for a second. Do I even go to clubs in America, where I know how to get around? And do I drink? See both of these would be the factors leading to her abduction. And might I point out that I'm not even going to Aruba!!!! It was a cruise, to mexico. The worst thing that could have happened is I could have gotten some bad water. But truth be told I probably wouldn't have let my daughter go either. But you can bet mom is so going to make up for it with a really great road trip, and it will include them parks. I love you mom, but you know I'm right. Anyways I think that's about it. Summer classes are about to gear up at the studio and I'm excited. I can't wait until my ankle is well again so that I can dance. I love you guys. Talk to you later. Byah ~ Amber Sheree