What do I want?

Wow it's been forever since I've last blogged. Well not forever but almost a year. Ava Grace will be a year old next month. Dance Expressions is about to turn two and Chris and I will have been together for a year next Monday Night/Tuesday Morning. It's amazing how much life can change in a short time. How much a person can change. So what's going on.

Um youth is great. This weekend is Slack Attack, Jerrid rededicated his life to Christ, he'll be there this weekend. Haley will be there this weekend, that's crazy. She's my baby, like the one I used to carry around. Tabbie and I get to be adults. lol. I'm not sure if Boo will ever be tough enough to kick us out of youth.

Chris is great. Actually he's amazing. He's the only guy (other than my dad, Richie, Jerrid, Scotty, Uncle Tim or my Grandfather) that's looked at me and I know that he loves me. The real me. The person that I only let a few people into when I do let me guard down. I love him so much. He really does look out for me. And wants to. I think he really understands the difference in have to and get to. That something I was scared I would never have in a guy. I was afraid I would end up with one like my dad. Not that I don't love him, but he makes that relationship so strained. I love him with my whole heart.

Katie Harris is helping me teach dance. This year's going to be fun. No over head, not chasing bills. Just fun. I'm keeping it as stress free as possible.

Home is better. I actually moved out for about three weeks because Dad was in a rut and Jerrid was just hateful. But looking back I know that he was running from God, and that will make anyone hateful.

So this is where I'm at: I have a new job that I love. It's so me. Lots of people to work with and only a limited number of clients to get to know and cater to. There's something new everyday. It's a field to get in and learn and either you love it or you hate it. I'm 5 weeks in, we'll see. See being back in the corporate world has really made me think about some things. I really want to move out and just be me for a little while. And at the same time I so wanna be with Chris. If God would ok it and Chris would ask I would marry him tomorrow. Ok well not tomorrow but I would start the planning process anyways. There's so many things that I want us to be and I feel like we're on our way but I don't think that we're there yet. I wanna be in ministry and I don't know that he does. I know there's a calling but I don't know if it's what he loves. I want to be so sold out that there's no other option than to tell people about Jesus and to help heal broken hearts. Chris told me one time that he knew that I had been given a talent or gift for counseling. So why doesn't he know that we need to be in ministry? Why can't we just push through the crap. Why doesn't he want to? I found the cutest Pampered Girl designer stuff. I so wanna do an apartment in it. I miss Chris. Like I really wish that I went home to him every night. I hate not getting to spend time with him throughout the week now that he's in School and I'm teaching. Not to mention that he's about to move to Saginaw. I can't stand that. He's going to be so far away. I want to be balanced and have my finances (Lord forgive me for swearing) under control before that. And I know that the time will come, I just have to sit and wait and I'm not good at that. I was so lonely yesterday afternoon after work. I just turned my music up and sang all the way home. It's probably because I didn't go to church Sunday because Chris and I went to Six Flags Sunday and then Wednesday night I was sick. Or it could have been because Chris snapped at me and didn't have time for me because of school. But I'm learning that my loneliness is God's cry for companionship. And Chris is going to be busy a lot more than he has been. For a year I've had him at my every wish. And now I have to learn to enjoy my alone time again. That's going to stink major. Anyways I need to get some work done.