Faith

Learning to exercise my faith is going to kill me I do believe. First of all being part choleric like I am it's really hard to give something to God and let him keep it. I just feel like taking it back sometimes. And secondly placing faith in people, namely boys, is really hard also. Since my ex is the evil person that he is. Barry and I were talking the other night and I came to a realazation. First of all, I feel like God has placed Barry in my life for a reason. So I have no fear with going forward at all. I feel completely safe with the situtaion. However Barry doesn't think that we should be serious. Which can be viewed two ways. 1) I see it as he doesn't want to commit to me, and after I went through everything with Matthew I just see it as he wants to see other people. But also it could be seen as 2) he knows that we're not really ready for that since we live so far away and he doesn't want either of us to get hurt. Which I respect since most guys don't mind hurting whoever they're with aslong as it doesn't hurt them. I appreciate that he watches out for me. But I also think that there's a third part to be considered. God has placed Barry in my life for one of two reasons, and maybe it's both. I know that he's here to teach me to trust again. That not all guys are out to hurt me. And to show me what truely caring about someone is really about. That it's possible to care about someone and a guy not have a hidden motive. I know that he respects me and I love that. I do really care about him. And I know that he cares about me. Maybe he is the one and God just doesn't want it to move too fast, and that's all that Barry really keeps saying. That he doesn't want things to move too fast and someone get hurt. It's funny how after I argue with him then I see his point. Never when we're actaully discussing it. I guess that's my choleric coming out, and he's Phelgmatic and just doesn't like confrontation. I hate how God always has something for me to learn in every situation. And that I tend to be wrong about most situations when I won't budge. I guess God has a way of teaching humility to even the strongest willed. I'm going to youth camp. It's going to be awesome to spend a week in God's Presents. Even though I'm going to have to some back to work a good bit of the time during the day. I'm at work and I guess I need to go and pretend to do something that they pay me to be here for. Talk to you later. Byah