Lonely

Have you ever felt like no matter how close someone is, you're still so far away? Am I the only person that goes through this? I hate it. As in I'm not fond of it at all. It just seems like all my friends are going through so much right now. Audj is having a baby, Jess is getting married, Court is starting school and dealing with an ex boyfriend. I just feel like there's no one to turn to sometimes. Like my friends that I'm the closest to have their own agenda. Maybe this is God's way of bringing "better" friends into my life. I know that there are people that love me and care about me, but when most of them talk it's like they're talking down to me. Like they have so much more insight to my life than I do. But it seems like the people I identify best with are on a different level now. Maybe that's what God is showing me. Maybe I'm the one that's changed. Chris is such an awesome friend. He came over last night and had dinner with me and watched a movie. He wanted me to go to this College and Carreer thing with him tonight. It's with Kingwood's group. I really would love to hang out with him. But I really don't feel like meeting new people tonight, or being entertaining. I just want to be in my worship service, with my girls. You know how some times you just feel like you need to be in your worship service and not being pushed? Anyways I just wanted to post. I just needed to get some stuff out.

On a different note: Audj said that yesterday she went to the Doctor and they think that the baby has turned. Thank God! They also said that they think the baby is going to be a big baby. And I have to be in the delivery room. I'm so glad she's coming and I'm so glad it's Audj and not me, (lol. Ok that was mean I know but you know you would have said the same thing)!!!

Barry and I got in a fight. A real one. And I think it's my fault. I'm not real fond of the situation right now. I think he's scared of me. I know I'm out there and a little abrasive at times but I don't know what I did. I don't understand. Anyways I'm putting it in God's hands. I prayed along time ago that if this was to be then he would persue it. And he is, Kinda. I think he's stuck where I was about a month ago. About not knowing where to go or how to go about it. It's really hard praying and not hearing an answer. But sometimes God doesn't want us to do anything except stand there. I had to just slow down, and stop trying so hard. I really do care about him. I feel safe with him. I know it's crazy. But he reminds me so much of my Daddy. And then he kinda has Uncle Timmy's personality too, he doesn't really say much unless there's something that needs to be said. I hate fighting with him. I don't even know how to act with him. I wanna hug him and tell him that I'm not ticked. That it's all ok and I just want to forget it. But then there are times that I feel like he thinks of me as a friend. I hate that. I don't have "friend" feelings for him. But then again, God knows I can't be hurt again. After this weekend I think He knows that too. I do trust him. With my life, not my heart. But I don't trust any guy with my heart.

Anyways I need to go. This is turning into a small book. I miss having friends and us all hanging out together. Seems like the older we get the more we drift away from each other. My friends are wanting me to go to Auburn this weekend. I'm not really feeling it but I may. I need to get away. Anyways until I talk to you later. Have a great day.

Love ya, ~Amber