Desires of my Heart

Wow!!!! Refreshed Passion and Renewed Strength. Those are my feelings in a nut shell. Last night was amazing. I took Haley, Ashlyn, Taylor, and KT to the Barlow Girl with Matthew West and Down Here concert last night. It was amazing. There's something to be said about Christians that rock, literally. They have so much fun on stage. I can only imagine. I would love to get to be on stage, dancing and doing what I love every night. But even cooler is that they get to lead people closer to Jesus. A girl at the concert last night was leading a prayer and she said "Hey Jesus" I so wanna be that cool. We had a great time and ran into some people that we know. We also got to meet Barlow Girl, Matthew West and Down Here. So there's a lot going on in me. Here's where we start.

Thoughts:

Why do men and women (even Christian ones) act like Christian music is so awful? Why can't they just sink there teeth in and get into it and realize it's about ministry not the quality of music. I mean have you listened to the lyrics of the music that you are knocking? Oh my gosh. I so love my Jesus like that, why don't you? You know what I don't know any Chick bands that play as well as Barlow Girl. I can't even think of an all Girl band that I am willing to say the name of (because I think they're vulgar). Secondly, These girls can rock and they are passionate about making young people's lives better. Why would some one who peruses holiness knock a Christian band? I mean suck it up, it's not about you. Not all music can reach everyone. It's about the people that it does reach and you have no right to act like they're not good enough for you to listen to because you're so musically inclined and you think they're beneath you. What if Third Day or Skillet wouldn't give you the time of day and they thought that you were beneath them. So like Thumper's Father says "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." And before I get off my soap box I have to say they are your fellow Christians you should lift them up in their ministry because they've chosen to use they're talents for God. And there's something to be said for young girls screaming their heads off for people who promote such good things, and then in turn those people turning around a leading worship an those same young ladies worshiping like their lives depeneded on it. My girls are amazing. I love all of you. And men who think that Girly bands and innocent bands are cool and actually are good enough guys to go with their chick friends or younger sisters/family members are totally hot. There were several guys up in the front last night loving on Jesus to cool music. Ok I'm getting off the soap box. Some men are just on my nerves. And then there was this really awesome guy there last night who loved being there, he knows there's cooler music but he loves his little sister and wants to be in youth/children's ministry. He's so totally cool. Marshall you rock.

So God's really been dealing with me on passion and what I want to do. All I can do is cry every time I think about the future and what I want to do. I want to impact young ladies. Actually I want God to impact them, I just wanna be a tool. I want to be strong and independent and an example worthy of being looked up to. I want my husband, when God decides that it's time, to love youth as much as I do. I think I wanna do something with inner city or foster children. I wanna get involved. I want to help change young ladies perspective. That women can do anything they want, and God has an amazing plan for their lives. I don't know if I'll ever work full time in ministry, the very thought makes my soul wanna jump, but I do know that I very much have a burden. And I do see a need. I'm so ready for the people around me to know that ministry is a get to, not a have to. I so need some of those people in my life to catch a fire that won't go out. Not what you get at camp or emotional services (not that those aren't great) but I need it to stick in them. I'm ready for my friend to stop with their crap and realize that I'm not going to be their easy friend, I'm always going to put God back in the center of their thoughts and be that constant reminder. They deserve that, not like they should be tortured, but they deserve to know that God has something so much better. You don't have to figure it out all by your self because God knew you before you were even in your mother's womb. He ordained everyone of your steps and walks them with you. And bad things might happen but he promised that All things work together for the good of those that are called. The catch is, it's according to his will. Not yours. But if you're seeking his very best I guess it is your will. You may think you know what you want, but God has such a better plan. And he's already worked out all the kinks.

I know I'm talking a lot. There's just a lot I need to get off my chest. I am starting to feel like my thoughts are cluttering my head. I can't keep it all straight anymore. It's all there and emotional and then when I sit to write it's just all jumbled. Today it's coming out better. So I thought I'd just let it go. I don't even know if anyone reads this. I just know that I needed to get some stuff out. And my journal wasn't an option since I'm at work. I do need to go though since I am at work. Not that there's anything to do but I need to pretend. I love you guys.