Bored

I'm so bored. lol. Wow I don't think I'm really that bored I just know that I have so much more to do and I can't get it done while at work. Audj is about to be here though and she's bringing icecream. Yea!!!! Ice cream makes the world go round. (yeah right, well maybe just my world). I really don't have anything spiritual to say today. I really don't have anything to say that's profound. I'm just kinda here. I have so much that's going on I just don't even know how to start saying any of it. Tabbie had a blah day on Wednesday, Today is my turn. lol. Anyways I wish some one would get online so I would have someone to talk to. Ok well I guess I really don't need to just sit here and rattle about nothing, so I guess I'll go. Talk to you later. Love ya,
~Am~

Lonely

Have you ever felt like no matter how close someone is, you're still so far away? Am I the only person that goes through this? I hate it. As in I'm not fond of it at all. It just seems like all my friends are going through so much right now. Audj is having a baby, Jess is getting married, Court is starting school and dealing with an ex boyfriend. I just feel like there's no one to turn to sometimes. Like my friends that I'm the closest to have their own agenda. Maybe this is God's way of bringing "better" friends into my life. I know that there are people that love me and care about me, but when most of them talk it's like they're talking down to me. Like they have so much more insight to my life than I do. But it seems like the people I identify best with are on a different level now. Maybe that's what God is showing me. Maybe I'm the one that's changed. Chris is such an awesome friend. He came over last night and had dinner with me and watched a movie. He wanted me to go to this College and Carreer thing with him tonight. It's with Kingwood's group. I really would love to hang out with him. But I really don't feel like meeting new people tonight, or being entertaining. I just want to be in my worship service, with my girls. You know how some times you just feel like you need to be in your worship service and not being pushed? Anyways I just wanted to post. I just needed to get some stuff out.

On a different note: Audj said that yesterday she went to the Doctor and they think that the baby has turned. Thank God! They also said that they think the baby is going to be a big baby. And I have to be in the delivery room. I'm so glad she's coming and I'm so glad it's Audj and not me, (lol. Ok that was mean I know but you know you would have said the same thing)!!!

Barry and I got in a fight. A real one. And I think it's my fault. I'm not real fond of the situation right now. I think he's scared of me. I know I'm out there and a little abrasive at times but I don't know what I did. I don't understand. Anyways I'm putting it in God's hands. I prayed along time ago that if this was to be then he would persue it. And he is, Kinda. I think he's stuck where I was about a month ago. About not knowing where to go or how to go about it. It's really hard praying and not hearing an answer. But sometimes God doesn't want us to do anything except stand there. I had to just slow down, and stop trying so hard. I really do care about him. I feel safe with him. I know it's crazy. But he reminds me so much of my Daddy. And then he kinda has Uncle Timmy's personality too, he doesn't really say much unless there's something that needs to be said. I hate fighting with him. I don't even know how to act with him. I wanna hug him and tell him that I'm not ticked. That it's all ok and I just want to forget it. But then there are times that I feel like he thinks of me as a friend. I hate that. I don't have "friend" feelings for him. But then again, God knows I can't be hurt again. After this weekend I think He knows that too. I do trust him. With my life, not my heart. But I don't trust any guy with my heart.

Anyways I need to go. This is turning into a small book. I miss having friends and us all hanging out together. Seems like the older we get the more we drift away from each other. My friends are wanting me to go to Auburn this weekend. I'm not really feeling it but I may. I need to get away. Anyways until I talk to you later. Have a great day.

Love ya, ~Amber

I need Wisdom

Wow it's been a week. I have been busy busy and I really can't wait for things to level out. I'm in a transitional phase it feels like. I hate not having a routine. Ok so if you read this and you have some advice for me please leave it, I'm really struggling here. My little sister (well ok she's my God sister, but she's also my dance assistant and one of my best friends) is really just making stupid desicions. I know that everything happens for a reason, and that God has this under control, I just don't know how to handle it. She had been dating this guy and I really, really (REALLY) don't like him. It's not just a personality conflict or something like that. I really did try to like him, and had decided to just let it go and be nice to him. But then I found out some actions that he had taken against my baby girl and now I want to kick him in is throat. I REALLY don't like him. Anyways they had broken up and she was dating other guys and doing so well, and accomplishing so much for her self, gaining so much self esteem, and finding out who she is, and he just came back in and is sweeping it all out from under her. My whole dance studio is centered around helping young girls know their own self worth and not finding it in a guy. And I can't even help my little sister. She is so awsome, and he is so not worth her. The emotional abuse that goes on in that relationship breaks my heart. He tells her that she's not good enough to date him, and that he could find someone better. She is so living my life. It's so weird. The exact things I delt with with Matthew are happening in her life. And she saw it happen in my life, but can't see it in her own. She really thinks that he will change. I just want her to know that she's worth so much more and God has so much for her. They aren't back together, and she knows that we hate him. Well ok not hate, but I REALLY don't like him (have I said that already?). There is so much more that goes on than what I've said here, it's just not my place to tell. I really don't know what to do. I want to just back out and let go and Let God. But I know that's not really the situation in this case. I just feel like she's going to have to crash and burn before she's going to decide that it's not worth it. I don't know how people delt with me while I was with Matt. I have no clue. I know that people saw the same thing in me and that I came around because I was running from God. I later delt with my self esteem issues. I don't know that there's anyone speaking God into her life. I guess that's why I feel like I have to stay in here, whole heartedly. It would be so much easier to just scream at her. If you knew her you would understand. She's beautiful, perfect body, cheerleader, she can dance too. She dresses cute and drives a cute car, she was popular in highschool. When she walks in a room everyone knows it. She's smart and going into pre-med. I mean it doesn't get much better being a girl. And this guy is such scum. Short of God he'll never change. And I don't want bad things for him, don't take it like that. I just don't want him around her. I wish I could make her see what she's worth. I wish that she saw what I saw. I'm hoping she'll go to church with me tomorrow. But I don't know. I'm scared to push too hard. I'm scared she'll shut me out too. Anyways if you have any advice please drop me a line. I love you guys.

Amber G

Hey Guys

Wow, what a weekend. I haven't had a weekend where I got to do what I wanted in a long time. I babysat the most amazing kids on Friday night for a friend of mine. They are the sweetest kids in the world and I got paid really well to play with them. So anyways I took the money that I made babysitting them and spent it all on clothes. Yes I was completely irrisponsible with it. And then I had a cookie from The Great American Cookie Company, and a diet coke. I know I know it doesn't make any since but I really wanted to cookie and diet coke is all I care to drink. Double Doozies are the best. Nothing like that to get your blood sugar outta wack, and your emotions back in line. LOL. Anyways, I had a great time at church yesterday. I so just needed to be in God's presence. And then I went to my Aunt Marcia and Uncle Timmy's new house and she made me a grilled cheese sandwich. It was great. The best grilled cheese and bologna in the world comes from her house. Uncle Tim looked at my proposal for Valley View for the dance studio while I was there and he said that he thought it looked really good. He also said that he was going to ask pastor David about me teaching there since there are several people that are asking me to hold classes over there. I really love my family they are so awsome. Well my extended family. My family was crazy yesterday. I went home so that I could have lunch with them and they fought the whole time. But I did buy some new hangers yesterday so that I could put my clothes up. I think it's time to have a yard sale. I have so much crap. And so many clothes that I don't wear. I need someone Choleric to come and help me clean my closet out. I'm always afraid to throw anything away because I may want to wear it one day. But yesterday I became really anxious. I had this sudden fear that I wouldn't be able to wear it all. lol. I know it's funny but I'm serious. Anyways I guess I need to get to work. I'm at work but that doesn't mean that I'm doing anything for real (as opposed to for fake. lol. I crack me up). I'll talk to you guys later. Love you all. Peace out

I'm not griping this time, I promise.

Hey guys,

This has been a rather successfull week. And it's only Wednesday. I'm really excited about the studio and yes I've decided to go ahead with it (like you can even imagine me not dancing)! I talked with one of my really Godly, amazing friends (not naming any names, Tabbie Lynn) and she told me that I already knew what to do, it was just a hard decision. She pretty much just said suck it up and do it, in a round about way. But that's ok, sometimes I need so Jesus with some skin on to put it in my face. I can be really choleric sometimes, and when it's convienent I can be really sanquin. LOL. Anyways, so I saw some of my girls last night and it helped me remember why I do what I do. It's like when you are in a dry spell and you have an amazing encounter with God, you know how excited you are and ready to serve him. Well seeing my girls last night kinda rekindeled the fire and passion for my calling. I know that I'm called to teach little girls and teenage girls that it's ok not to be average, because God made us exceptional, and the way he wanted us. We don't need to meet the standards of this world, and we don't have to find our values in some guy. And through teaching them about the self worth that they find in them selves I know that they will see a difference in my life and I will be able to share Christ with them. Wow, I don't know that I've ever put that in black and white. Nothing like a bunch of 12 year old girls to hold you accountable.(haha) But I love them, and it is worth it. They are awsome young ladies, I just hope that they can see it in them selves. I don't really know what purpose dance has served in my life other than giving me a self convidence level that most teenage girls didn't have and allowing me to show others their own self worth. Anyways to sum it all up, I know that I'm called and there are alot of hard decisions coming up that I'll have to make, but it's going to be worth it. My God promised never to give me more than I can handle.


On another note: If you ever read my blog and I talk about you in it and you don't like it for some reason, you can tell me and I'll take it down, but until then, I'll tell you what all is going on.

So Audrey's baby shower is this Sunday, if you read this and you weren't invited but you go to church with me don't get your feelings hurt, there's two showers. Long story. Don't ask. lol. Anyways that means that Ava Grace is going to be here soon. Like real soon. I'm so excited. Her due date is September 22nd. That's like 50 days from to day. Yes I'm counting down.

And Chris just bought a new Car. WOW I'm so excited. We are so going out in his car when we hang out from now on. It's a 2005 Camrey. It's white with gold trim. I can't wait to see it. We're hanging out Thursday night.

And last, but most definately not least, Barry met my family two weekends ago. And by family I don't mean mom, dad and Jerrid I mean like Me-Maw, Pa-Paw, Aunt Marcia, Uncle Tim, Haley, Scotty, Aunt Betty, Uncle Steve, Brittany, Thomas (well he's not family but he did propose to Brittany and he will be soon), Bethany, Dallas, Breanna and Paton. Not to mention that he met Audrey too. I'm sure he was overwhelmed, even if he won't admit to it. It really wasn't a test but he must really like me to put up with all of that. Breanna crawled all over him. And Haley told me that she wouldn't mind having him in the family. A little far I think, and a little further down the road than I'm thinking, but I think she's Sanquin like me and Marcia, so she tends to jump in head first like we do. lol. He also asked me to come up this weekend and go to church with him. I can't but I really, REALLY, like the fact that he asked. I really want to meet his parents. And I really appreciate the fact that he doesn't let me push him around, like on things that really matter. Like us being together. And I really think that God's timing is playing a major role in this relationship. It's really awsome.

Anyways I need to shut up and stop typing. I stayed at Aunt Marcia's and Uncle's Tims night before last (well actually it's Darlene's and Gregs, but they live there too). I had a lot of fun and got to just be with my Aunt Marcia for awhile. And I got to hang with Scott and Haley. I love those kids so much. Sooooo.... I guess I'll go and get some work done. or atleast try to get some done. Peace out homie G.

~Amber Sheree G.