What the Crap???

I really, really have a hard time understanding all that's going on sometimes. Like I've been dealing so much with God's will for my life, and when all else fails to just stand. And it feels like all I'm doing is standing. I really don't like the feeling at all, and I'm not ok with it. I'm a head first, whole hearted or nothing kinda person. And this is just not cutting it. But then again I guess I should just be obedient, and stand here. I love the studio, i love it so much, and more importantly I love my girls, but I don't know that it's what I'm supposed to do. I'm at a stopping point and I don't have any direction on what to do or where to go with it. I really miss dancing, it's been like 6 weeks since i've even put dance shoes on. that's the longest I've gone in 2 years. Of course I've been injured and that's why it's been so long. I hurt my ankle back in June and haven't been able to do much of anything on it, other than walk. And I don't mean to gripe but no one listen's so I feel like I have to get it out somewhere. I do have great friends, and I'm dating a great guy, but every now and then you just need that friend that will just listen and not talk back and not offer advice, and just hold you and let you cry. And I don't have any of those right now. It's all about them, and it should be, there are a lot of big things going on in their lives right now. But that doesn't change where I'm at. I'd love to just go and wait in the alter and cry and pray but I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere there either. I don't feel anything, that's why I'm guessing that I should just stand. That way I'm not going in any direction with out God. I won't move backward and I'm scared to take a step, so what now? Sometimes I just want that one friend that I can depend on, that doesn't always have a problem. That every now and then they get to be my crutch instead of me always being their's. Anyways enough griping and whining, I'm acting like a big baby. I need to suck it up and get back to work. And I promise one day I'm going to have a blog that isn't full of just crap. I am going to have good day, at some point. I love you guys.

My God is so Amazing

This week at camp has been great already. Actually it was great on Monday. I've never been to a camp like this. I truely believe that this is the group of kids that it will take to shake Alabama. They are so passionate. God is moving in this camp like I've never seen before, and not just in teenagers. The leaders at this camp are getting ministered to also. I know that God is moving and shaking in my own life. That he's taking me to the next level. And it's taking a lot of trust. Because sometimes I don't feel like I'm capable of doing what he's telling me to do. Carrie confirmed in my life, and Boo did too, that I need to take that nudge and do what I'm told. That I am where I'm suppose to be and that I'm doing what I'm told to do. It's kinda funny but even Scotty has spoken into my life, being soft to the spirit like he always is. He told me that the things that I'm worrying about with my little brother and the decisions that I've made have been the right ones.

I talked to one of Alex's friends from high school that is now in Iraq, and his cousin Ashley. They both assured me that Alex was a Godly man and that they are sure of his place in heaven. It's very comforting to hear that and to know that I will see him again. This week has been hard, because there are so many memories with him there at that camp. But then again I wouldn't trade them for anything. I need to get back to work. Talk atcha later. Byah

What are we really doing it For???

This is a post that my Friend Dan Email to me. He sends me a devotion every day but today's really stood out to me. Hope you get the same things out of it that I did. Love ya, Am

~ Matthew 16: Healthy Discouragement ~

Matt 16:24
Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.NKJVThis verse continues to amaze me, even after reading it countless times. I mean, C'MON Jesus! You won't get much a following by telling people to come follow you after telling them to "take up his cross", and "let him deny himself". I think reading this really speaks to how much we sometimes want to sugarcoat Christianity, with things like "God will give you the best, no matter what," and "If you come to God, your life will automatically be blessed with riches beyond measure." Jesus didn't say that. In fact, he said the opposite!!! He said if you desire to be his disciple, that you must sacrafice your very life! All your hopes, dreams, plans for the future...gone. In doing this he presented the truth: God has a better purpose for your life than we could ever imagine. I may want 5,000 cones of ice cream as a child, but my Father knows better. He's going to give me the best fufillment I could ever want - By working for his kingdom. I just have to be willing to crucify my desires and follow him!